im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize