And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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