She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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