There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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