how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
