Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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