Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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