youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
