My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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