Redeem this text for a blowjob
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
