so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
