Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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