Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
