Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
