yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
