you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's rum buckets o'clock
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
