Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it's great music for shaving your balls
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
