She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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