You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
