I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
