This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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