He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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