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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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