can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
