doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
