Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
