Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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