I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
