I'm lost and stupid without you.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
