I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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