tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
