Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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