Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
