I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
