She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
