for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
