Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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