Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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