You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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