Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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