You just made me feel so damn special
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
