ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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