How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
