the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
