Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
