I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
