we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
