I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
