Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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