the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
how does that bad decision feel?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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