No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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