I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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