Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
