He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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