Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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