i permit you to call me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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