You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
