I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
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it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
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No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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