I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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