my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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