come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
