She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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