God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
