i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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