So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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