We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
