Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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